Wizard Pigeons

My dungeons and dragons players were recently faced with a situation where they wanted to get a message really far really fast. They wanted to know if they could "send a raven, or something," referring to the raven-based communication system that the Maesters use in Game of Thrones. I figure such a thing exists, but I was inspired by some groovy posts on Goblin Punch to make up a more fantastical version for wizard express mail. (In other news, that site is full of incredible stuff and is my inspiration for doing this blog in general). This is what I came up with.


Wizards can communicate by carrier pigeon. Except that pigeons are stupid birds that can get eaten, shot, waylaid, etc., and anyone can read the messages they carry. And they take a while to get there. So yes, they have trained pigeons that know how to get from one place to another, but for the most part any messages sent with this service tend to be unimportant or not time sensitive. For wizard express mail, they will slowly begin feeding the birds an alchemical concoction that grants them limited sentience and excellent memory, but at the expense of irreversibly poisoning them. These birds have a limited lifespan of only a few days once the process begins, so unless a wizard is continuously employed to provide this messaging service, he tends not to keep these special pigeons around. They are identifiable because their plumage turns all black, and random brightly colored, glowing letters and symbols begin cascading from their heads towards their tails as the magic courses through their body. They are kept in dark soundproof cages, because they recall everything they hear once the transformation begins, and can actually read and memorize texts as well-but they have a limited capacity in this regard, so the wizards try not to use it up too early. To send the message, the final step involves telling the bird the whereabouts of the recipient, and then casting a magic missile spell twinned with a message spell on the bird. Special twin-spell wands are fabricated explicitly for this purpose, and are quite expensive, another reason that this kind of magic is not commonly used. This spell kills the bird as per a normal magic missile, but the message is preserved and whisked immediately to its recipient, where it is presented as a small paper envelope sealed with wax, with black, multicolored-lettered birds’ wings helping it float at the periphery of the receiver’s vision. As soon as the letter is grabbed, the wings disappear, and the message’s contents can be read off of the now-mundane paper that was once held aloft. It is not uncommon to come across a wizard with several of these letters fluttering around their bed, if their attention is required for something urgent during the night. Because only the proper receiver can open the letter, sometimes folks will allow them to continue to hover by their side until they can read them in a secure location, though walking around like this can makes them a choice mark for thieves, conmen, and other information-opportunists.

One of the players is already thinking of ways to trick someone into thinking they have an important message. Another player thinks I'm deranged. I'm pretty happy with that combo.

Eventually I will figure out how to internet and start adding pictures and things. But basically I'm thinking the birds look like the Matrix is rolling across them constantly and then they get blasted with this magic wand and it's as if a personal message shows up on the recipient's h.u.d. inbox, except that it's actually magic envelope floating around to the right of their head that everyone can see until they grab it out of the air.

I'm also thinking that druids and the like probably hate the use of wizard pigeons because it hurts an animal/upsets natural order, and that wizards totally don't care about this because they value the use of magic in innovative ways for its own sake and would rather not wait to exchange magical info, by magical means if at all possible.